My rant for the day

I'm stuck, stuck in a place I don't like. When I graduated from high school I knew what I wanted. I wanted to go to school and play volleyball and get my degree in teaching. Well I went to school, played volleyball and left half a credit short of graduating with an Associates degree in Liberal Arts. So now what? I want to go back to school, but I don't know what I want to do. I used to want to teach so bad, it's all I wanted to do. Now I know I lack the patience to deal with 20 kids that aren't mine. So I've pushed that thought out of my head. And now that that's gone I have no idea what I want to do, or even what I'm capable of! It's so frustrating to be stuck in this spot. I think 'Oh, I could do that, but then you have to be able to do this also, and I'm no good at it'. So right now I think my biggest obstacle is...well ME! I keep second guessing everything that pops into my mind. Would I be able to handle that, could I do this.

Dammit! I am a strong woman and I know I can do anything I put my mind to, so why all the second guessing now. I guess cause I'm 30 yrs old and not getting any younger and it's always so scary to go into something new.

When I was at home (Jackpot) I lived a sheltered life as far as working goes. I worked at the same casino my mom has been working in for over 30 years now. So everybody knew who I was, by the time I was 21 the owner of the casino had me training all over so I knew how everything ran, I think he expected me to never leave town. I didn't find out til later, but I guess he was pretty upset at me for leaving. It was nice because I got a lot of experience in different aspects of the company. My last job at that casino, was in the "Main Cage", it houses all of the casino's money, all of it! So working there I was responsible for between a quarter of a million to half a million dollars, every day. A responsibility to not take lightly, especially when you had to balance to within 5 dollars everyday. I was great with costumers, great with the money, and great with other employees. I even gave them two months notice when I decided to move to this area. It was hard to leave the comforts of home and try something new, but I did and I made it just fine.

So now what do I want to do????? That's where I'm stuck!

I would love to take classes at a culinary school for Pastry stuff. But then I think to myself, I'm not creative or "artsy" so if I did open a little pastry shop, it would be pretty plain jane.

Maybe photography???Not much of a market for it down here as there are about a BILLION photographers in this area.

Finance? I could be a loan officer, I would basically have to start fresh with school and scrap the 24 credits (or whatever it is I have) and start at the bottom again.

Teaching still tickles the back of my brain, like I said, I just don't feel I have the patience anymore.

Ahhhhhh, I hate feeling this.............useless, I guess is the word. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE being home with my kids, I just hate seeing Casey work so hard to support us. Working 10 hour shifts at the worst hours ever, going to school full time, and still being a great family man. I want to be able to help, somehow.

Jobs are very scarce around here, the only thing that is hiring is in the medical field. I know I couldn't be a nurse (very weak stomach!). Everyday I log onto three different job sites and nothing or I put in applications and get a call or email back saying "out of the 150 applications we went through, there were a few that had more experience than you". It gets a bit discouraging after awhile.

Well that's my rant for the day! If there is anybody who reads this, I am up for suggestions as to what you might think I'm good at! Any idea's are good idea's.